I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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