this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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