So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
