I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
