How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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