All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
