We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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