I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
