I have demons in me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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