Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
