I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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