two words: eviction party
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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