Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize