Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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