Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
