Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
