She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
