Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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