Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I touched a dick in church today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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