This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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