So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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