I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
