I think I died a long time ago.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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