You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Randomize
