I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
