**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize