I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
