just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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