i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A bitchslap is in order.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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