I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
