I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We are two peas in an std pod
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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