grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
