Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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