do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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