Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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