Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
