Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
