1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
