I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
