I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
