May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
