she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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