Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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