Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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