I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
