the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
