I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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