if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
