my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
