apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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