My hand turned me down
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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