so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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