you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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