I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just google imaged poop.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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