I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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