turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
two words...techno handjob
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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