she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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