I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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