Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
