I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
