I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
