An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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