weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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