She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
