if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
