i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
