my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
