she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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