he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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