she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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